1. They don't swear
How many times have you came across a person you felt drawn to as they appeared agreeable and nice only to be disappointed once they have opened their mouth? The way we talk is an important part of our image, and the main one in our communication system.
Using profanity may be trendy in this day and age, especially among the young crowd, and can even be (wrongly) used to appear "cool" but the truth is, we are only shooting ourselves in the foot when we choose to use vulgarity.
It kills any credibility we might have and shows a lack of maturity, a lack of vocabulary and in certain situations, a lack of argument.
"Don't raise your voice, improve your argument"
Let's pay attention to all the words we choose to use and select those that reflect maturity, good intention, kindness and elegance.
2. They don't compare themselves to others
Self-confidence is the secret ingredient that makes the elegant lady's charisma. But comparing ourselves to others kills our healthy self-confidence. Do you find yourself consciously or unconsciously comparing yourself, your life, your appearance to others? Letting you feel unworthy, unsuccessful, less beautiful than others? I believe this was an issue before the existence of social media but I found it to be even more blatant since we have the opportunity to watch everyday other people's lives who seem to always have it all, to always be perfected, put together and better than us!
Let's keep in mind two things:
1. People only share the good on social media. It is socially unacceptable to post negativity as people use the platform to be entertain, inspired or motivated. Negativity is automatically rejected, therefore, users tend to mainly show the best. To the point that some do not hesitate to alter the truth and make it seems like they have it all while they actually don't. Keep in mind that everyone have their own struggles. Behind our screens, we all have issues we have to deal with on a daily basis and what we see everyday while scrolling endlessly is just a representation of what we would love our life to be, which is an embellished and often utopian, version of life. Comparing ourselves to utopies doesn't make sense. Social media constantly show us what we don't have and what we are not, so when we feel overwhelmed, let's take a step back and think or even write down what we have, what we are and let's be grateful for that.
2. We are all unique human beings. A famous quote from Einstein says "if you judge the fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid." We have our strength and our weaknesses. Somebody's weakness could be your strength and vice versa. We don't have the same abilities as our neighbours. We cannot all be doctors, we cannot all be influencers, we cannot all be fitness gurus,... Let's first find out what we are, what we are gifted for, what we like to do (and not what we think others want to see us do).
Be inspired by others but believe you can also be an inspiration for others. The person you should be comparing yourself with is the person you were yesterday.
3. They don't let their emotions dictate their manners
Frustration, irritation, anger, fatigue, stress,... when these enter the equation of human interactions, usually bad manners is the result. We have to understand that it isn't because we are having a bad day that people around us should be paying for it. This advice isn't easy to apply but if we take a moment to think, set aside our emotions and realize that the person in front of us doesn't know what is going on right now in our life, doesn't know what we feel and we decide to treat the person with kindness and respect despite our state, we will actually make the world a better place. Let's find another way to vent our frustration... a stress ball maybe?
4. They don't neglect their appearance
This is something I've talked about in detail in another article (which I strongly suggest you to take a look at if you haven't yet) but this is an important thing to remind: appearance is for the elegant woman what a business card is for a business. Since we only have a few seconds to make a good first impression, we have to show who we are in a glance. Having an excellent grooming, making effort in our style and hairstyle, choosing our accessories wisely, these are the keys for an elegant appearance.
5. They don't act like snobs
You might have encountered people with narcissistic sociopath tendencies (there are many). They are the kind of person who believe that they need to belittle you in order to feel important and validate themselves. To me, that what snobs are and their behaviours are the opposite of elegance. Elegance is kind, authentic, caring with a strong sense of the others and their well-being, the elegant woman isn't a snob or a diva, she will uplift rather than belittle, she will share rather than keep things for herself, she will talk to everybody with the same respect no matter what people's background is, she will always encourage unity and not be divisive, she will look for the good in people, she will reply to messages and comments and not act like she is some kind of celebrity, she won't gossip or spread rumours, she will resolve conflict in private to avoid embarrassment. An elegant woman perfectly balances knowing her self-worth and understanding that others are valuable too. She is great but she is part of an even greater thing.
These are the five qualities I have found to be important to be an elegant woman. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!
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