top of page
Search

Bibliotheca Elegantiae

Writer's picture: Nadia Ayachi KabongoNadia Ayachi Kabongo
May 31, 20248 min read

- A Compendium of Etiquette Gems Curated by Experts -




Dear community,


This article is literally what we could call « the connoisseur's guide to etiquette » as it is really a collection of expert-approved readings.


As an elegance & Etiquette coach, I am passionate about empowering you on your journey towards elegance. Today, we delve into the enriching world of etiquette books and timeless guides that hold the secrets to navigating social situations with grace and poise, to develop your self-confidence and to become the best version of yourself. 


To curate the perfect resource list for beginners, I sought the guidance of fellow etiquette and elegance experts from both English and French Etiquette worlds. Their diverse recommendations provide a wealth of options that I am sure, will make everyone depending on where they are on their journey, happy. Let's explore the wisdom they generously shared with me. I’ll start with the English Experts and the French will follow:


First, let me introduce you to our expert known on Instagram as Elegance Collective, she is a certified Life Coach and her recommendations are: 










Then we have, Andreea Stefanescu owner of The School of manners, she is an accredited International Etiquette with whom I had the pleasure to collaborate in the past.


She also recommends Modern Etiquette Modern Manners, by Dorothea Johnson and Liv Tyler as a book to start with.





Susy Fossati, from the Canadian School of Etiquette, is an etiquette consultant, and advised that we cannot go wrong with Debretts.

Debretts is undeniably a reference in the UK for etiquette knowledge.







Laura Akano, Etiquette coach, also recommends: 














Mariah Grumet, owner of Old Soul Etiquette, is an Etiquette Trainer & she is the author of "what do I do? Every wedding etiquette questions answered"

As her IG handle suggests it, she has a thing for history and she graciously mentioned how any historical etiquette book is a good go for her because it allows he to better understand the history and origin and therefore can better understand the evolution of etiquette which, she believes is so important in our modern day.


Here are her recommendations:






Crystal L. Bailey, from Common Curtsey, is a Protocol & Etiquette Expert and Image Consultant, and here is her recommendation: 



For a bit of context, she mentioned that In 1902, Dr. Charlotte Hawkins Brown founded the



Palmer Institute. The residential school transformed the lives of more than 2,000 African American students. Recognizing that education continued outside of the classroom, Dr. Brown invited students, civil rights leaders, artists, and others to visit and socialize in this special place where politeness and grace were more than a “nice to have,” but a place where Manners Mattered. She has such an interesting story. And the Palmer Memorial Institute is a historical site that has many events and can be visited to this day. Located in North Carolina, USA.









Patricia Cincora, is an expert in soft skills & self-development, if you'd like to learn more about the power of body language and applicable tips, I suggest you to go check out her page.


Here are the books she recommends: 


Other books about social behaviour:







America's foremost etiquette expert and author of several etiquette books, Jacqueline Whitmore recommends:


Any book written by Letitia Baldridge. She is no longer living, but her books will live on in every etiquette expert’s heart.








Erika Roy, business woman mentor & Etiquette expert recommends:











Monique, from « The Elegance Education », mentor for women specialised in etiquette, style, deportment, grooming and lifestyle recommends: 




  • "The Complete Book of Etiquette" by Amy Vanderbilt, which offers renowned insights into etiquette practices.

 

Now, let’s see what the French Etiquette World suggests (I apologize in advance for any title that is not translated in English, this of course will be useful for French speakers but I understand you cannot do much with this information if you don’t read French, however, I guess it is still good to know the names of experts in the field). 





Aude de Vathaire is a French Aristocrat & Life Coach who happens to provide services in English on her instagram page "frenchelegance.and.more".


Interestingly, she doesn’t recommend any particular book because, coming from an aristocratic family, everything was transmitted to her through education and her experience of personal development. 


Nevertheless, she recommended a book to me that she appreciated and which also ended up in my library: "Les 10 clés des Bonnes Manières" ; The 10 keys to good manners, which is bilingual, by Claire d'Estaimbuc and illustrated by.BM

It is a jewel to start introducing the essence of good manners and refinement to your children, but also for any adult who is starting from scratch.







Hanna Gas, instructor in French elegance, conversation and etiquette recommends:




She also recommends

  • Berthe Berna ge (which I do also like to read). It's older. But there are subtleties that please the historian that she is.





Guillaume Rué de Bernadac, Etiquette expert & owner of the Academie de Bernadac.


For him, no book that was THE book. Guillaume has read a lot but he keeps a certain selection for very specific reasons: 

  • Norbert Elias - The civilization of morals (to understand the phenomenon of the evolution of morals, still applicable today, "practices change because people change") and

  • Court society (the source of modern etiquette and talks about what made someone of high status before the capitalist world where money determines status).

  • Usages of the world - La Baronne Staffe (the book which sold the most because it best transcribed the customs of my time, guide which marked it by its relevance, well written, immersion in the 19th century where we can imagine being a bourgeois person of this era, it is no longer valid but was authoritative)


  • Debretts A-Z of Modern Manners - great authority in England. Reference even for the greatest etiquette experts of today but too Anglo-centric. 

  • Le petit Larousse du Savoir-Vivre - Contemporary and French (several authors, so some were very modern but others very reactive, not in agreement with everything - very Franco-centric (France in France for French people who live in France ).


  • The nostalgic dictionary of politeness - Frédéric Rouvillois (not in agreement on all subjects with the author, but very well written, not a manual (different from Larousse or Debretts), it is entertaining and is interesting to read, pleasant , erudite, intelligent with historical and cultural anecdotes, but is not a book which sets out the rules of how to live.


Guillaume was very clear that he does not recommend any in particular because they all have advantages, positive and negative points. Those mentioned inspired him on at least one subject.


This will be for you to judge if you like them or not!





Bérengère de Monbois, Consultante en savoir-vivre & cofondatrice de l’entreprise Académie des Bienséances. 


Bérengère aime les ouvrages qui ont un aspect plus historique comme par exemple ceux de














Carmel Assak, Expert in French art de vivre and elegance


A well-mannered books collector with a special appreciation for books found at flea markets as she finds them more informative. This is something I agree with, I find that vintage guides were going more into details, it immerses us into the life of the elite from back in the days and it is fascinating.


Here are the first 4 that she finds interesting because they allow us to see the evolution of the rules of good manners.












France de Heere, French aristocrat & Etiquette expert, founder of L'Atelier du Savoir-Vivre, recommends:





With this treasure trove of recommendations at your fingertips, you are well-equipped to embark on your etiquette education.

The perfect starting point depends on your personal preferences. Do you crave a comprehensive guide, or are you drawn to a more lighthearted approach? Perhaps you're curious about historical etiquette or modern social graces.

No matter your choice, these books offer valuable tools to cultivate confidence and grace in navigating social situations. I encourage you to explore, experiment, and discover the path that empowers you the most to express your inner elegance.


I want to add that this exploration of elegance would be a mere sketch without the vibrant strokes of knowledge provided by the esteemed experts who have collaborated. Their invaluable contributions are deeply appreciated. Thank you!


I hope you'll find this selection useful!


Nadia

136 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Comentários

©2019 by An Elegant Life. Proudly created with Wix.com

bottom of page