We do our best everyday to please everyone, to be proud of ourselves, to live according to our values and standards... and yet, somedays, we screw.
We do things we didn't know we would regret, or we knew we would but did them anyways. We simply screwed. It is done and there is no way back.
We feel awful, ashamed and maybe, unworthy.
So how can we overcome the feelings and not dwell in the dark heavy clouds of shame? How to overcome this feeling of shame elegantly? Here are my 4 tips:
• Do not be in denial
More than being pointless, being in denial can harm your reputation. Denial leads to lies. Lies that
will come back at you and add up to the damage already done.
• Admit the mistake to yourself Embrace the fact that you are not perfect.
Like the Earl Grantham (fictional character from Downton Abbey) said:
"We all have chapters we would rather keep unpublished".
Admitting a mistake is proof of your willingness to rectify the wrong-doing. As long as you are trying to be and do your best, you should allow yourself to make mistakes sometimes.
Forgive yourself.
• Admit it to others and apologize
Don't wait for the mistake to come back at you.
Go ahead, be brave and confess what you've done. Not to the entire world of course, but to the closest person it might have impacted.
If the incident involved other people, stand high, with dignity but not arrogantly and admit to them that you have done wrong.
"I admit I have been selfish/neglecting/lazy/[insert the flaw of your choice here]... and I am sorry I've upset you."
Trust me, the sentiment of facing a person who takes responsibility for their actions will override the memory of you making a mistake. We might not forget what you've done but:
1. it makes the process of forgiving you easier and faster and
2. it also gives you the reputation of being honorable. Somehow, you become more reliable and respectable.
I say this because I know I would definitely trust someone who knows when a mistakes was made, who isn't afraid to deal with it and who is willing to use their mistakes as lessons to improve themselves.
• Find solutions
Find a way to resolve whatever problems you might have caused as quickly as possible.
If money has to be paid, pay. If apologies have to be made, make them. If a public announcement must be done, do it.
Your facial expression and the tone of your voice should let the audience or person know that you are sorry and regret your actions. However, you must leave on a positive note (if you can) and advise that proper actions have been done to rectify the error and reassure them that the incident will not occur again.
• Move on
Don't dwell on the incident. Stop calling it a mistake. Call it a lesson. Learn from it and be or do
better next time.
If someone is viciously and regularly reminding you of the mistake, you have the right to tell them to stop the reminders:
"I have made things I am not proud of. I have sincerely apologized and made efforts to be better. It is very low from you to keep reminding me of it. I would prefer if you help me moving forward."
Be careful not to fall into the trap of thinking "No one is perfect anyways" to excuse bad behaviours.
You, as an elegant person, thrive everyday to be the best you can be and do good around you.
You have the right to be sad for a moment, maybe sit down and cry if it helps you... but then, stand back up and keep walking, with poise and grace, always.
Luckily for you, I used to have an in-depth programme that would provide all the knowledge to develop the skills you need, this programme is no longer delivered through consulting however, it will be available in a comprehensive book I am working on! Don't hesitate to subscribe to get an alert whenever it is out!
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