8 Tips for the modern lady that you are
It happens to everyone:
Ending up doing something we did not want to do, attending a party we did not want to attend, just because we did not have the courage to say “No”.
Most of the time, it is because we do not want to offend, which is an honourable cause but the truth is, sacrificing ourselves to please everyone takes a lot of energy. Energy you won’t have for too long if you keep trying to please everyone...
Good news: you can still be a lady and appreciated by your peers even when you say “No”. Actually, by saying “no” you forge yourself a reputation of a woman who knows what she wants, who is able to make decision and stick to it.
Here are 8 tips to help you say “No” graciously:
✦ Before saying “Yes” or “No”, take the time to give an honest answer. Do not answer promptly because the asker seems to be urging you, especially if you are not sure. But do not delay either if you already know you will say “No”. “T o be honest , I am not sure right now. Give me two minutes and I will get back to you with my answer.”
✦ Focus on the positive. Show the person you appreciate the opportunity. “Thank you for thinking of me for this party. I am sorry I won’t be able to attend this time, I already have committed myself to something else”.
✦ Do not lie. Give a real reason or do not give any reason at all. This is probably what we call ‘Karma’: lies come back at you. You do not want, as a lady, to be seen as a liar. “I appreciate your invitation but I am afraid I won’t be in town that day”. “Thank you so much for the invitation, I will have to decline this time but do ring me for the next one”.
✦ Do not be vague on the reason. Only because you do not want the person to be digging for it. Be clear. “It would have been a pleasure to help but I have other commitments and I won’t be able to take on extra work.”
✦ Do not elaborate too much. Justifying your “no” too much can seem like you are lying and can also give the asker an opportunity to find a reason for you to say “yes”. Be brief and clear. “I am not really into art but thanks for asking”.
✦ Remember to smile. You are sorry because you cannot help or please the person (show your sorry face) but you are touched that they thought of you (smile).
✦ Provide an alternative. (That is my personal favourite tip, I use it all the time) The asker is not leaving with a negative outcome. “Sorry I can’t accompany you to choose your wedding dress that day. H owever, I know the perfect place for bridal shoes, I can take you there next week if you’d like”.
The more you will say “No”, the less terrifying it will become. Start saying “No” to anything that does not add value to your life.
Luckily for you, I used to have an in-depth programme that would provide all the knowledge to develop the skills you need, this programme is no longer delivered through consulting however, it will be available in a comprehensive book I am working on! Don't hesitate to subscribe to get an alert whenever it is out!
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