Mastering the Art of Elegance and Grace
What does that mean?
Keeping your composure involves maintaining a sense of inner calm and control, even in the face of adversity or challenging situations. It means not allowing external factors to dictate your emotions or reactions. Composure is a reflection of your inner strength, resilience, and ability to handle difficult circumstances with grace and dignity. I tell my clients that a great example of good composure in tensed situation is the fictional character from Downton Abbey, Lady Cora Crawley, Countess of Grantham. There are many interesting and inspiring scenes throughout the entire show but I suggest to observe how she reacts when she discovers that their nanny is mistreating one of her grandchildren and when her husband, Lord Grantham, has his ulcer bursting in the middle of a dinner (not very glamorous but the point is to watch the way she handles stressful situations). She is the perfect example of being in total control, she can be angry and firm, even scared but with grace and poise.
" Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence." Leonardo da Vinci
The Benefits of Composure:
Modern societies, especially western societies, would glamourize violent behaviours among women. A good example are the reality shows where they always find a way to fight. They would make it seem as if a disagreement can only be solved with insults, aggression and shoutings. In reality and contrary to common beliefs, being (and staying) kind does not mean being stupid. Being soft does not mean being weak either. Rather, not letting the wickedness of the world influence the kind essence of our soul is actually a great demonstration of strength.
Maintaining composure offers numerous benefits, both personally and socially. It allows you to navigate stressful situations more effectively, make rational decisions, and communicate with clarity. Composure also enhances your overall presence, projecting an aura of confidence, poise, and elegance. It fosters respect from others and helps build stronger relationships based on trust and reliability.
It also helps de-escalating a tensed situation as we are naturally more prompt to calm down surrounded by composed people. Therefore, helping find a solution instead of making the situation worse.
Some useful techniques
a. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness involves being fully present in the moment and observing your thoughts and emotions without judgment. By practicing mindfulness regularly, you can develop a greater awareness of your reactions and learn to respond rather than react impulsively.
b. Deep Breathing: Deep breathing exercises can help regulate your emotions and induce a state of calmness. When faced with a challenging situation, take slow, deep breaths, focusing on the sensation of the breath entering and leaving your body. This simple technique can help you regain control and maintain composure.
c. Positive Self-Talk: Engage in positive self-talk to reinforce a composed mindset. Remind yourself of your strengths, capabilities, and the importance of maintaining grace in difficult situations. Affirmations such as "I am calm and collected" or "I handle challenges with elegance" or "Lady Cora is my spirit animal" whichever you prefer... can help shift your mindset and reinforce composure.
d. Seek Perspective: When faced with a stressful situation, try to step back and gain perspective. Ask yourself if the situation will matter in the long run and consider alternative viewpoints. This broader perspective can help you maintain composure by realising that the current challenge is temporary and not worth sacrificing your inner peace.
e. Practice Emotional Regulation: Learn to manage your emotions effectively by recognising and acknowledging them without allowing them to control your actions. Take a moment to identify the emotions you are experiencing and find healthy ways to express or release them, such as through journaling, exercise, or talking to a trusted friend.
It is important to note that composure is not about suppressing emotions but rather about managing them with grace and dignity, allowing you to navigate life's challenges with elegance and poise. I am no professional but I assume emotions cannot be suppressed anyways, or if it is possible, it is probably harmful. The first step to manage them is to understand that solutions are more likely to be found in a calm environment rather than in a tensed one.
Luckily for you, I used to have an in-depth programme that would provide all the knowledge to develop the skills you need, this programme is no longer delivered through consulting however, it will be available in a comprehensive book I am currently working on. Since it should be released soon, don't hesitate to subscribe to get an alert whenever it is out or to follow me on Instagram to stay informed.
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