A social pressure
I'm not sure what happened with feminism...
I sure am grateful for the women who fought hard so we can have a voice and the ability to vote, so we can have the right to open an account without our husbands' approval, so we can equally be rewarded for a same job men do...
Women fought to have the opportunity to work if they WANTED to. However, I don't know what happened but I feel like now that we have this so-called freedom, that we are not bound by laws no more, we are still socially pressured as women to constantly justify our
choices wether we decide to stay-at-home or to pursue a career.
There is something I saw on the internet "we expect women to work like they don't have children and raise them as if they don't work"
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It is legit something I experienced myself because I have been in both cases: I love working and I also had motherhood instinct hitting me hard and urging me to take care of my child, husband and home.
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Working outside my home didn't make sense
This is the feeling I had when I decided to stay home: I was newly wed and pregnant with our first child. I wanted to give 100% of myself, my whole energy, to start building the foundations of this beautiful brand new family and home. It felt not right at that time for me to "go" outside, what I mean by that is working for some boss while I had a home, a husband and a child to take care of. It didn't make sense for me to spend my energy outside while I was needed inside. Spending an entire salary in childcare so a stranger could educate my child? No thanks.
I needed to nurture, build, educate...
And it is so fulfilling! To the point that I do not understand why we push this narrative that if we just do that, we are being oppressed by our husbands... How can I be oppressed by something I choose to freely live? No-one forced me into mariage, I willingly went for it, I knew mariage is something to be taken seriously and it requires work (by both parties), I did not expect it to be a Disney fantasy but I knew I could get some gratification. Being aware that the family is the cell of society, how can I not be gratified by the thought of contributing positively in making sure that my family will be assets for the world?
Yet, when it was "time to go back to work" and I didn't feel like it -not because I'm lazy because trust me, a mother can be anything but lazy- I felt like I had to justify myself.
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Family is the cell of society
I got angry deep inside and thought "wow, so stay-home mothers are still seen as if they were doing nothing?" Here is what I heard: "But surely you got time! What do you do all day? A few diapers, bottles and naps.. you have time to rest."
Stay-at-home women do what is the absolute most important for society: they consolidate its cell, which is the family. They build it, creating a self place for children to grow-up, for husbands and wives to live their relationship, for a family to live comfortably in serenity, raising decent, capable, skilled, emotionally and mentally stable future citizens (it requires structure, attention, time and love). These women are essential for society's perennity and sanity.
No, stay-home women don't do nothing. They do everything.
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Housewives = Skilled Managers
They usually wake-up before the entire family and go to bed last. They do chores that you know about (laundry, cleaning, running errands and cooking...) and chores you don't even think about (finding this document their spouse has lost for the 5th time, making calls for doctor appointments, heater maintenance, plumber, staying up at night to tend to her sick child, decluttering the pantry because.. who else is going to do it?,...).
They set the mood of your house, they organize activities for the kids and the social agenda of the family, they do accounting and keep an eye on the finances, deal with family quarrels, anticipate the needs, ... basically a stay-at-home woman is a manager.
Running a house feels to me like running a company.
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Double standards
On the other hand, you have that woman who prefers to concentrates her efforts outside the home and pursue a career. Because she is good at it or because there is a need or a desire for an extra income. This woman, somehow can also feel socially pressured, be criticized for not being 100% focus on her children. And if she hasn't any children, she will be criticized for it as well.
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I also want to point out that, at the end of the day, even if women are working, they are still being the one taking care of the home -even if the spouse is kind enough to help, we all know that 80% of chores and kids are generally taken care of by women...
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Superwomen
...speaking of which, have you seen how they try so hard to make it seem cool to be an overwhelmed woman? I have a movie that pops up in my head: "bad moms" ("les mères indignes" en français), where the mother takes care of the kids and has a career. She eats in the car as she rushes to drop her children to school, spills her coffee all while being "glamorously" clumsy and overly stressed. I wouldn't even call them "bad moms" as I see them as women trying their best to comply to society's expectations.
Just like many other comedies (if you have other examples, send them to me please, that would be interesting), it is the norm now for a woman to be multi-tasking until exhaustion.
We should stop making "being overworked" a normal and cool thing. I do not think we realize the damage it does to our mental health, our homes and, by extension, the entire society.
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A paradoxe
We have women pressured to work outside their home for a boss to get richer (also is an extra labour paying taxes), getting money to bring on the table AND still work inside their home to take care of the house and children (because if they don't who will?), all while staying beautiful as we still have increasingly unreachable beauty standards. It seems utopian to believe that we could do it perfectly all and remain sane.
Paradoxically, women fought for a better life but it has now been harder...
I am just thinking... haven't we gone too far with feminism? I wonder if, like many other things that started with good intentions, it hasn't been twisted and used against its own purpose...?
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Let men be men. Femininity is our power.
I am for women empowerment and for gender equality. I am not one to think there is a gender more important than the other. We need both, we love both.
What I am against is.. extremism. These non-sense "feminists" who would go as far as "let's act like men" or "I don't need a man to carry my heavy suitcase for me" - you want to sweat your blood off to prove that you worth as much as a man? -Let me laugh- Like I always say, femininity is the superpower of us, women. Letting men being manly gives us power. But hey, not everybody can agree with it.
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Your home, your story.
Bottom line: I wish we were actually able to do what we judge is best for our own situations.
If you feel you are needed at home and that you can live on one salary, then go fo it. If you feel you'd be happier pursuing your career, then go for it too! There cannot be one best way of living nowadays. We live in tough times and it usually is a necessity to have two incomes. We should be able to judge for ourselves what is the best thing to do for the well-being of our family, for our own well-being individually, without the critics of those who cannot pick for you the right way for a more balanced life.
I have heard of many stories: a couple deciding to not have children, a woman deciding that her husband shouldn't be doing any chores at all, a man deciding that he should be the one staying-home, ...
I would love to hear about your story! If you have struggled with finding what is the best for the well-being of your home and found your way to a balanced life, send me a DM!
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As a final thought, I just want to add that what makes society is not big corporations and workers only, it is also and mainly strong beautiful families. ❤️
Your thoughts on this?
Are you currently a career 💼 or a stay-at-home 🧺 woman?
Have you ever felt like you have to justify why you are staying home rather than going back to work?
(All pictures used are from Pinterest and are not my own. if you wish to claim images as yours, please advise for credits)
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